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This is a blitz archetype from “The Greg Gutfeld Show,” May 23, 2020. This archetype may not be in its final anatomy and may be updated.

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GREG GUTFELD, HOST: It’s true. Our admiral takes drugs.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DONALD TRUMP (R), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I’m demography hydroxychloroquine.

QUESTION: When?

TRUMP: Appropriate now. Yes. I was aloof cat-and-mouse to see your eyes ablaze up aback I said this. But you know, aback I arise this. But I arise to be demography it for about a anniversary and a half.

QUESTION: Every day?

TRUMP: At some point — yes, every day. I booty a bolus every day.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes, the Admiral did the unthinkable. He told you he was demography a biologic assigned to him by a White Abode doctor. Why? Because he tells us everything, and the media’s befuddled accuracy bubbled like absurd eggs on a hot sidewalk.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN ANCHOR: The Admiral of the United States said today he is demography a biologic to anticipate coronavirus that the F.D.A. warns is dangerous, and abstraction afterwards abstraction now appearance is abortive adjoin the virus.

DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR: He is demography an ambiguous biologic that medical experts acquaint can accept adverse ancillary effects.

This is actually baleful serious. It is actually dangerous.

CHRIS CUOMO, CNN ANCHOR: Why does he accompany up this hydroxychloroquine? I don’t alike apperceive that he is actually demography it, by the way.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: And that’s aloof what they said amid tokes.

Now, remember, Trump hadn’t said he was demography some cher alien abject from the rain backwoods that Gwyneth Paltrow claims abandoned her chakras. He wasn’t beating some baneful acerbic on Amazon frog rescued from Joe Rogan’s abreast tank.

No, he took a reliable biologic beneath the best administration that’s been about bisected a century.

Now, what actually did Chris Cuomo take, Kayleigh?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

KAYLEIGH, MCENANY, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: Cuomo mocked the Admiral for this, and interestingly, I begin this out aloof afore advancing here. Hydroxychloroquine of advance is an F.D.A. accustomed medication with a continued accurate clue almanac for safety, and it turns out that Chris Cuomo took a beneath safe adaptation of it alleged quinine, which the F.D.A. removed from the bazaar in 2006 because of its austere ancillary effects, including death.

So actually absorbing to accept that criticism of the President.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh, she’s good. But Cuomo, he’s a affectation machine. He says, don’t breach quarantine, afresh he does. Don’t booty chancy meds, afresh he does.

He accuses bodies of not demography the virus seriously, and afresh he does this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CUOMO: Is it accurate that this was the besom that the assistant was actually application on you and that it aboriginal — it went into your adenoids and abolished so that in scale, this was the absolute besom that was actuality acclimated to fit up that bifold butt shotgun that you accept army on the advanced of your appealing face.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: He’s like a altogether archimage on drugs. Carrot top, I apperceive you’re watching. Addition bankrupt into your prop closet. Alarm the cops.

You know, I don’t apperception bond amusement with news. But do the account first. And the account hasn’t been good, at atomic for the aged in blow homes who died by the bags beneath Governor Cuomo.

And what did the columnist do? They acclaimed him in allotment because of these ambrosial CNN routines.

Imagine if I pulled out a behemothic swab. CNN would adjudge my abandoned alienation to death. It makes you admiration aback you attending at Chris or Don Lemon, what are they? News? Commentary? Prop comics?

At Fox, you apperceive what we are. I do commentary. Bret Baier does news. Afresh we hot tub like craven beasts.

But CNN is a debris salad. Dudes accomplishing annotation is news. And so as the media gushed over Andy, they anointed Florida’s governor who had enough.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GOV. RON DESANTIS (R-FL): Got a lot of bodies in your profession, who wax poetically for weeks and weeks about how Florida was activity to be aloof like New York.

Wait two weeks, Florida is activity to be next, aloof like Italy. Delay two weeks?

Well, hell, we’re eight weeks abroad from that and it hasn’t happened.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I anticipate whatever Trump has is contagious. It’s not corona, but cajones. Then, did you apprehend Trump did abrasion his affectation briefly in Michigan. Some bodies put it in perspective, except this loon.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

WOLF BLITZER, CNN ANCHOR: Is the Admiral no best acceptable in Michigan.

DANNA NESSEL, MICHIGAN ATTORNEY GENERAL: Well, I will say, speaking on account of my Department and my office, that’s right.

The Admiral is like a bad-tempered adolescent who refuses to chase the rules. He is a antic actuality and I am abashed to accept him be Admiral of the United States of America. And I achievement that the voters of Michigan will bethink this aback — aback November comes that he didn’t affliction abundant about their safety. He didn’t affliction about their welfare.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Nice work, crazy lady. Now, do the guy who brutalized an aged actuality in a Michigan nursing home, area was the affliction and assurance in that? Yes, she freaks out about the mask, but not that in her own state. Nice priorities, you joke.

It’s additionally funny watching bodies like her and reporters go afterwards Trump for not acerbic a mask, as they aren’t acerbic a affectation either. Apparently, their bulletin is added important than the President’s.

Meanwhile, leftwing writer, Katha Pollitt said this anniversary she would vote for Biden, alike if he ate babies. How does one respond? Acutely she’s not a vegan, abashment on her. But she can get abroad with adage that because it’s not abhorrent to her peers.

Because she said, baby. She didn’t say atramentous baby, gay baby, auto baby. That would accept been too far.

But the all-encompassing baby, that’s okay, abnormally aback Planned Parenthood aloof got 80 actor from the Paycheck Protection Plan, which was to aid baby businesses during the pandemic.

How is America’s bigger aborticide business small? I get it. Their victims are.

So, is the media actually anxious about Trump’s health? No, it’s aloof that the media loves alive things you don’t. It validates the advanced all-important for their afraid aristocratic class.

It’s why they aside at the anticipation of demography an anti-malarial pill, but eat shrooms by the pound. It’s why they anticipate nuclear adeptness is evil, but clear healing rules.

They charge to be aboriginal and already article air-conditioned becomes popular, they abhorrence it.

The media loves to avowal about the hot Broadway play, you can’t get tickets to. For a year they accustomed to out “Hamilton” anniversary other. Oh, did you get tickets yet? Yes, they’re so expensive. We got ours through a acquaintance of a friend.

This appropriate chic loves the chargeless stuff, the abstruse stuff, the actuality they can get illegally, and they’ll never allotment it with you. But Trump is the opposite.

If he brand something, he’ll acquaint you about it. It sounds like he’s aloft you, and that’s weird.

Now, the jury’s out on this drug. It seems abortive at the end stage, but maybe, maybe accessible in the aboriginal phase.

It’s a band of aegis that you appraise with your doctor, not with idiots like me. You can’t buy it at the GNC. It’s assigned afresh by a doctor, not a politician.

No admiration Nancy is tit.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. NANCY PELOSI (D-CA): He is our Admiral and I would rather he not be demography article that has not been accustomed by the scientists, abnormally in his age accumulation and in his, shall we say, weight group. What it is — morbidly obese, they say.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That’s a appealing acceptable joke. Now do Jerry Nadler or Stacy Keach? Just kidding. You can abandoned fat abashment some people. But she’s got bold and Joe Biden could apprentice from her.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, IMPERSONATING JOE BIDEN: Nancy, I charge new nicknames for the President. I like Admiral Tweety because you apperceive the bird, they’re both orange.

KATHERINE TIMPF IMPERSONATING NANCY PELOSI: How about M — morbidly obese?

SHILLUE: No, no, no, we charge added hyphens in there.

TIMPF: Racist Philanderer.

SHILLUE: Still too short. I like my blame continued like a Hannity monologue.

TIMPF: How about degenerate, unpresidential, obese, lying Russian racist, pony soldier.

SHILLUE: Yes. Pony soldier. That makes the beard on my leg angle up. You appetite to adeptness in and blow it. Appear on. Absolute quick. I’ll abutting my eyes.

TIMPF: I’m in San Francisco.

SHILLUE: Oh love, San Fran, and that Golden Steak Bridge. Oh, authority on. Got to go, that’s Hunter.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: But Nana shouldn’t be nailing Trump for managing his own health, unless she has got bigger advice than his doc. And it’s admirable how are aloof over classes go afterwards a actuality booty an actionable biologic during a pandemic? What would arise if Trump said he admired Botox and Adderall? The absolute columnist would accept to abdicate both.

They’d get annihilation done, but the crying. The acceptable news, we accept activity is accepting acceptable again. Cases are badly declining. And a new Gallup poll shows bodies are happier added than a ages ago.

They faculty acceptable things, and it ain’t a contraction cream. This angle diverges from the ache media who see austere horizons aloft their continued faces.

We apperceive we’ve done great, but we’re done ambuscade and we’re done abrogation it to the media and their lies. It’s time to get up, go alfresco and get to work.

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We can do this. We already have. It’s appealing simple. Ablution your easily a lot. Put on a affectation a lot. Don’t hug strangers. Protect the aged and get to work.

Unless you’re the media, maybe you should sit this one out. You’ve done abundant damage.

Have you anticipation about a broccoli enema? I apperceive addition who knows addition who could clasp you in.

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: Let’s acceptable tonight’s guests. If tats were bats, he could accept his own wet market, columnist of the new book, “American Crusade,” “Fox and Friends” Weekend co-host, Pete Hegseth.

If jokes were yolks, he’d accomplish some adorable omelets. Biographer and actor Michael Loftus.

She’s got added takes than a bad actress. Host of “Sincerely, Kat” on Fox Nation. Kat Timpf. It “Sincerely Kat.”

And he’s a actually big thinker. My massive accessory and host of “Nuff Said” on Fox nation, Tyrus. Yay.

All right. Pete, why do you anticipate the media is so agitated about Trump’s bluntness on this stuff? They consistently feel like — go ahead.

PETE HEGSETH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: That is the best batty aperture montage of clips and statements — I mean, listen, you’ve done a lot of these and you’ve done a lot of abundant ones, but that one takes the cake.

They can’t — you’re appropriate about that. His accuracy shows that he is adequate in his own skin. Whereas as you laid out, the elites adulation the advantage of the things that no one abroad can admission beyond the board.

GUTFELD: Right.

HEGSETH: Abandoned affair that fabricated faculty in that absolute blow that fabricated faculty was Ron deSantis who is aggravating to grab reporters and be like, listen, guys, in my state, we did it right. I apperceive you’re assuming Cuomo all the time, and he’s asleep a lot of bodies in his nursing homes, and for some reason, you’re bedeviled with him.

But bottomward here, we did it appropriate and you can awning it aloof one time and they can’t do it, and he has to accord a account like that in adjustment to deathwatch him up.

We’re active in maybe the end times. I don’t know, bizarro times, whatever it is. It’s insane.

GUTFELD: All I apperceive is, Pete, I don’t anticipate you accept abundant flags in your background. So we’re activity to accept to move on. It’s embarrassing.

TIMPF: Do you adulation this country?

GUTFELD: Yes, I don’t anticipate he loves this country enough. You know, Michael I adulation the actuality that you’re alpha to attending like Michael Douglas in — what was that movie?

MICHAEL LOFTUS, COMEDIAN: “Falling Down.”

GUTFELD: Falling down. Yes, this pandemic. I accept a approach that you started acerbic your hair, and you kept authoritative mistakes. So, you had to accumulate accepting lower and lower.

LOFTUS: That’s affectionate of what happened. I bought clippers. I’m like, I’m activity for it. But now I’m in Dallas and I’m accomplishing shows and I begin I begin a beautician shop. This was actually done by a professional.

GUTFELD: Oh, wow. That’s nice.

LOFTUS: I spent money for this.

GUTFELD: That’s nice. What do you anticipate of the Cuomo brothers as a ball routine?

LOFTUS: They’re hilarious. I don’t apperception a prop banana at all. I enjoyed the behemothic swab. I ambition they would accept done some blooming awning work.

I still can’t get over that attempt of Anderson Cooper. Aback did he about-face in to Malfoy from “Harry Potter?” I affirm he looks — he is activity to go up to Trump and be like “Expelliarmus.”

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: And who cares that Trump is demography hydroxychloroquine. That actuality has been on the bazaar for a actor years.

They accomplish it complete like it’s like this allure biologic like, if you booty it for lupus or malaria, you’re fine. But if you don’t accept those, it goes beeline to your affection and you explode.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: And it’s the aforementioned affair with coronavirus, the rona, it knows if you’re at the grocery store. It knows if you’re at the voting booth, but it won’t acquisition you in your bedroom. It’s hilarious.

It’s — we’re at allure levels of hypocrisy.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, Kat, I adulation the Stevie Nicks attending from the Rumours era. It’s actually becoming.

TIMPF: Thank you.

GUTFELD: Yes. What do you anticipate of that Pelosi fat shaming?

TIMPF: Look, you can’t actually say oh, you’re actuality too beggarly to Trump because Trump blame everybody. But to me, it wasn’t alike about the fat shaming, it was about the accepted her adage she charge apperceive bigger than Trump’s doctor or that what she has to say about it affairs at all.

I do not accept why there’s so abounding politicians and journalists arguing aback and alternating about what drugs addition is or not demography for their health.

In my America, that would be your own decision. Whatever biologic you appetite to booty your bloom or whatever biologic you alike appetite to take, you know, to adapt your acumen of the cosmos recreationally would be accomplished with me, too.

I bethink the Russia investigation, right? Everybody was a lawyer. They were all like, you apperceive what, I heard that quid pro quo affair aback I watched “Silence of the Lambs,” so I actually can be aloof with my booty on this.

Now, we’ve got a agglomeration of communications majors, all doctors, all right? I don’t accept why bodies are so aloof and belief in on this thing.

No, I apperceive better. How? You’re not a doctor. And additionally it’s not your anatomy and you brought up the frog licking. I affectionate of feel like if Trump were beating acerbic off the frogs, if it didn’t baffle with his adeptness to do his job, I’d say affectionate of not my business.

GUTFELD: Yes, it’s accurate and it can’t be fun. You know, Tyrus, I am not a doctor. But I do acquaint bodies I am, sometimes.

GEORGE “TYRUS” MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Okay, I’m maybe — my able assessment is don’t do that.

GUTFELD: Okay.

MURDOCH: But I’m abiding we could acquisition you a affidavit from the University of Phoenix to get you accord that doctor or we can acquisition a Division 4 academy for you to go allege at you don’t get kicked out off and you could possibly get a Honorary Doctorate so we could maybe addition on Twitter land, get him an Honorary Doctorate because that’s my question.

And I’d aloof like to say, wow, Kat watched addition movie. She watched “Silence of the Lambs.”

TIMPF: Yes, I did.

MURDOCH: That’s breaking news, because to this point, she’s abandoned watch “Happy Gilmore.” So, hats off to you, Kat.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: Boy, what a abundant articulation for me.

GUTFELD: All right, we’re activity to move on. Up next. What is Joe Biden aggravating to say this week? We don’t know.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Acceptable old Uncle Joe accompany us a new hit show. Now that “Jeopardy” and “Wheel of Fortune” accept been affected to air reruns, we are inventing a new bold appearance you can ball forth at home.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: What’s Joe Biden aggravating to say?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes. Acceptable to what that guy aloof said. I’m your host, Bob Eubanks. The rules are simple. I ball a blow and our contestants assumption what Joe’s aggravating to say. Here’s your aboriginal one.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN (D), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: And we’re activity to actualize a new bio based accomplishment — multi accomplishment job, ambiance to accord farmers in on the allowances of a alteration economy.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Well, that’s tough. One added time, please.

BIDEN: And we’re activity to actualize a new bio based accomplishment — multi accomplishment job, ambiance to accord farmers in on the allowances of a alteration economy.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: All right, Kat, what was Biden aggravating to say?

TIMPF: Yes, I watched that like bristles times and I actually accept no idea. I accept no idea.

And the way that he’s accepting to do things appropriate now, is not that hard, right? He basically doesn’t accept to go anywhere, right? Like he doesn’t accept to like hop, accomplish abiding he gets on the flight and go allocution to voters. Okay.

I aloof ambition that I were, you know, old abundant to run for Admiral appropriate now. But I’ll admonish you again, I’m actual young, I apperceive you’re activity to accomplish a joke, whatever. I’m 40 blah, blah, blah.

I’ll accept you know, my eggs may be scrambling, but I still accept like, a acceptable 10 to 12 years like, apparently could get abundant if you accommodate the ones area I could accept it, you know, like, medically done.

But it’s not — it shouldn’t be that adamantine if you don’t accept to leave your house.

GUTFELD: No.

TIMPF: You accept to aloof arise articular and presentable from the waist up, like 10 abnormal a week. And you’ve got a accomplished team, you’ve got millions of dollars’ account of resources, I don’t anticipate I’ve anytime alike been so bashed area I couldn’t do it.

GUTFELD: And he has, you know, I would say that he’s got the internet at his fingertips, but he doesn’t apperceive what the internet is or his fingertips. Tyrus, what do you anticipate he meant? And also, I don’t know, accept you been afterward on what he afresh said?

MURDOCH: Yes, Greg, and you wouldn’t be white if you didn’t ask me that question. I’m activity to be absolute with you, man, that was the realist affair Biden has said this absolute campaign.

Sleepy Joe, woke up for a minute. Now that was the aftermost we’ll anytime see of him awake. He will not be accustomed to do that.

Going forward, all his speeches will be a account of him, some bendable music and somebody account his statement. He will not be accustomed to allocution amidst himself anymore. The basement locks are on the alfresco now.

I accept an affair with what he said. I’m aloof adage is that is there, it’s a blanket because Joe is declared to do what they acquaint him to do. And he, he did an account that they apparently didn’t appetite him to do, and he kept it real. He got amorous and he said what was on his mind, and hey, I’m air-conditioned with it.

But that was cool. And the blow of it, that’s it. He’s not talking no more. Back to the basement. Lights out.

GUTFELD: He absent the privileges. Pete, what did you anticipate he was aggravating to say in that beforehand clip?

HEGSETH: You apperceive what, hey, guys. Bio based multi-facturing. That seems appealing legit. I mean, I don’t apperceive that we apperceive what it is.

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But it could be article appealing alarming like a acceptable multi-factoring thing. It could absorb robots. I don’t know.

At the at the end of his day, he actually goes into the basement and listens to the almanac amateur with his sweater on and has it old fashion. And listen, I apperceive this, that if I’ve got a hit that I actually appetite to do well, I should accept done that for this show. Because I’m acutely underperforming.

I address my addendum bottomward and I band them appropriate beneath the camera, guys, appropriate actuality and afresh I apperceive actually what I’m activity to say and you don’t apperceive that I’m account my notes. The actuality that he hasn’t ample that out. This is sad.

GUTFELD: That’s appealing good.

TIMPF: He is apparently actuality intensively, assiduously coached. That’s the craziest part.

MURDOCH: He is not accustomed to accept autograph utensils. He is the basement.

GUTFELD: Michael, what did you accomplish of his comment?

LOFTUS: Well, I anticipate what he wants to do is appear up with assorted agency to about-face acreage accouterments into energy. I anticipate that was credible to anyone.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: This is terrifying. Like if Joe Biden — if this was a battle match, you’d be like, about-face it off. You’d accept the rep footfall in. It’s horrible. This is him functioning. This is his A game.

He can’t run a Skype affair on his best day. What happens at 3:00 a.m. when he is startled? I can’t alike imagine.

GUTFELD: Yes. All right. Well, the abandoned way to breach this is if we ask Joe Biden himself. Joe, what were you aggravating to say?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SHILLUE IMPERSONATING JOE BIDEN: What I was adage is, it’s 2016, it’s time we get this affair done. Put the Cowboys and Aliens together. All the farmers will appear up aces. Bio based tyrannosaurus rex for the rocket ship. It’s an bread-and-butter alley cruise for you.

Come on man, basal line, manufacturing, saxophone, pillowcase, cactus atom cream. That’s to God’s honest truth. Text Joe to Biden 2016 for https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=http-3A__president.velociraptor.chicken.com&d=DwICAg&c=cnx1hdOQtepEQkpermZGwQ&r=sFAZs1s6OsYn8_1zLEwORPZR5plqG0bJtDiwqh5im-0&m=hVEJbuTRJOguQDOIzEgQuXwcafF8D6YeteB4pM4O-qg&s=XUiAeUvu_unTMvu9QKdbhxvp1Aj3wjndaN1BpwFnFRk&e= .

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Able-bodied now, we know, and we’ve got to duke it to the Democrats. Abandoned they would accept the stones to apprehend a applicant alternation to a radiator in a basement who talks like he’s a 10-year-old recapping the artifice to his admired movie.

It aloof shows, you can do annihilation you set your apperception to aback you accept the media in your aback pocket.

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: All right. Afore we booty a break, a accessible service, we’re calling Greg’s absent pets.

So, I got an e-mail from Val who writes, “Lost actual affable cat. Amuse advertise to your admirers Cat, [name is Gallagher] was actuality transported from Florida to NYC. Jumped out of a agent at St. George, South Carolina. Forward aback found. All white with banausic butterfly shape, and gray tail. Very friendly.” Thanks, Val.

Next time, accord us a picture.

All right. This has been Greg’s Absent Pets.

Up next, government bamboozle is no day at the beach.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ASHLEY STROHMIER, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Alive from “America’s Account Headquarters,” I’m Ashley Strohmier.

The White Abode is sending about $5 billion to nursing homes ravaged by the coronavirus. The money will be acclimated for testing, purchasing careful accessories for workers and added virus accompanying expenses.

Advocacy groups for nursing home say about $10 billion is actually needed. “The New York Times” estimates that at atomic 28,000 nursing home association and workers accept died from COVID-19. That’s about one third of all coronavirus deaths in America.

And one business in Brazil is advancing during the communicable and that’s grave diggers. The country is disturbing to accumulate up with the bulk of bodies. This, as the Brazilian Admiral calls the coronavirus a, quote, “little flu.”

The South American country has yet to alike hit the aiguille of the virus, yet abacus about 20,000 cases anniversary day. It lags abaft abandoned the U.S. in severity, but with a far beneath abiding healthcare system.

I’m Ashley Strohmier, Now aback to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW.

GUTFELD: These crazy times advance to not absolute crimes. Booty the gym owners in New Jersey who defied the state’s authorization and reopened on Monday, socially breach the accessories and all.

At first, the badge gave them some warnings and a fine, afresh after in the week, a affiliate was arrested central the gym for defying state’s orders.

And by Thursday, they accompaniment had the gym bankrupt bottomward by the Lath of Health. What say you gym owners?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All of these letters on the bank from the Bloom Department were put on after them anytime dispatch central and demography a attending at the facility.

So, we’ve been shut bottomward by the Bloom Department after them alike advancing inside. So, that tells us that we’re accomplishing the appropriate affair because it’s a alarm tactic and we accept our attorneys on it.

They’ve been on it aback 6:00 a.m. this morning, and our plan is to handle it and reopen tomorrow.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: And they did reopen it Friday. Elsewhere, New York Mayor and year- annular Halloween costume, Bill de Blasio arise that New York City beaches wouldn’t be aperture Memorial Day weekend, acceptation you can airing on the beach, but new pond and if you accustomed to swim, the able arm of the law was cat-and-mouse for you.

Behold the Stalin of sand.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MAYOR BILL DE BLASIO (D), NEW YORK CITY: The NYPD will be out, Parks Department will be out. Obviously, aboriginal and foremost, to advice accomplish anybody remember, don’t go in the water. You’re not declared to go in the water.

It’s a alarming bearings to anytime go in the baptize aback there’s not lifeguards present.

So, there’ll be a connected admonition of that. Anyone who tries to get in the water, they’ll be taken appropriate out of the water.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: No lifeguards. It makes me appetite to install an aloft arena basin appropriate aloft him. And in Michigan, barbers gave chargeless haircuts alfresco the Accompaniment Capitol to beef the state’s austere calm orders.

Some added masks and kept six anxiety apart. Some didn’t. Badge handed out citations for chaotic conduct to those who weren’t abject the rules, for giving addition abroad a haircut, which beneath accustomed affairs is altogether legal, and is acceptable capital because we’re all starting to attending like this.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: I affectionate of like that hairstyle. Acceptable on that kid. All right, I assumption I should go to you, Loftus, aback you’re accepting beard problems. What do you accomplish of the — I feel like a lot of these businesses are different, so the decisions are activity to be different.

LOFTUS: Like I anticipate it’s all different. It has to be on a case by case basis. I aloof — who knew that the beard salon bodies were the adventurous ones? Who knew that is who is activity to advance us out of this darkness?

GUTFELD: True.

LOFTUS: Aback everybody abroad is like, I’m blockage inside. I’m scared. It was that like that beard salon adult in Texas who was like, I don’t care. I’m not listening, clip, clip, clippety, clip, clip. Freedom. That’s who I appetite with me in a foxhole.

If it actually goes down. If we’re invaded. I’m activity to adhere out with a hairdresser. I’m activity to action for my abandon and I’m activity to attending fantastic.

GUTFELD: It’s like the businesses in the band malls with the able beard names like American Beard Lines. You know? I don’t know. That’s the abandoned one I can appear up with.

LOFTUS: That’s how they should breach us. They should breach us into capacity by band malls. You know, you’ve got the attach salon lady, the beard salon. The kung fu guy.

GUTFELD: Yes, that’s all there is.

LOFTUS: And afresh all the ice cream.

GUTFELD: Tyrus, are the politicians alleviative citizens like children, or do they accept a acceptable point?

LOFTUS: No, they’re actually alleviative citizens like children. It is a case by case and I anticipate you charge to amusement gyms aloof like if you’re smoker cigarettes, you apperceive what the ramifications could be. If you were to smoke, you could get something.

If you go assignment out in the gym, there’s a adventitious you ability appear in acquaintance with the coronavirus, but if you booty precautions and you’re accommodating to airing in the aperture of that facility, afresh that agency you accept what’s activity on.

I anticipate that’s what needs to be accident with a lot of these things because you allocution about hairstylist and attach salons. They are the ones that accept best of the charwoman products.

They assignment actual adamantine to accumulate their food clean. Gyms accept towels. Anybody wipes bottomward the stuff.

If I go to get my nails done, or I go to get my beard done, or I’m activity to go get my weight lift on. I apperceive the risks, and I’m allotment to booty that, and it’s aloof like pond in the ocean. There’s sharks in the water, things could happen, but I’m accommodating to booty the risk. And I anticipate they should be accustomed to do that.

GUTFELD: Yes. Kat, the affair that bugs me are authoritative laws that force cops to accomplish things they don’t appetite to enforce, for example, like it’s adjoin the law to advertise apart cigarettes that led to Eric Garner accepting afraid out by a cop who didn’t actually appetite to battle him for a cigarette.

And so I abhorrence that aback we alpha cuffing bodies for accomplishing approved things, it’s activity to advance to anarchy and abandon and destruction.

You can’t belt bodies for activity to a gym, but cops don’t appetite to do that, but afresh they end up accepting to.

TIMPF: Yes, absolutely. And I aloof don’t like this anecdotal surrounding it that if you’re one of these bodies who are out there or saying, hey, I’d like to accessible the salons. You’re a egocentric jerk.

Like, everyone’s activity to die and you abandoned affliction about your hair. Blah, blah, blah. It’s like, no, no, no. It’s like aback bodies say aloof break home, right? That is so offensive, because what they’re actually adage is, hey, you know, aloof actually accord up. Destroy your business that you’ve formed so adamantine and sacrificed for.

Hey, you know, aloof actually get — you know, get abroad from that charge that we accept as bodies for some alternation with anniversary added at times, right? Because there are bodies who are accident everything.

There are bodies who are unemployed. There are bodies who are in complete abreast and haven’t apparent anyone at all for activity on three months now.

GUTFELD: It’s crazy.

TIMPF: Afresh there is this anecdotal of, oh, we’re activity to arrest these bodies and they’re so bad for activity out and aggravating to do their job. It’s not aloof about oh, I appetite to get my beard done. I appetite to get my nails my nails done. I do.

But it’s also, I accept accompany with baby businesses that they’ve sacrificed so abundant and assignment actually hard. They don’t apperceive if they’re anytime activity to be able to reopen afresh beneath this, so abdicate saying, oh, aloof break home like that is so offensive. You don’t apperceive what you’re actually adage aback you say that.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know, Pete, the bodies adage aloof break home are bodies in our business because we’re accepting paid. There’s a accomplished —

HEGSETH: Yes.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: We’re accepting paid for this.

HEGSETH: Yes, I can be at home in accomplish up in my appointment accomplishing THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW and aggregate is accomplished for me. Right?

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But the absoluteness is, I spent time with Ian Smith, the guy who runs Atilis Gym in New Jersey. I was alive on the arena with them. These are some of the best hardworking, decent, respectful, amenable bodies you accept anytime met.

And Governor Murphy, like any added governor is application all the admiral at his disposal. You know, breaking news, I don’t do a lot of breaking account on the show. Murphy aloof filed an adjustment to shut bottomward the gym on a bloom violation.

They’ve never been central the gym, Greg. And the beyond point is, which was what Tyrus aloof said. If you don’t appetite to go, you don’t accept to go lift weights.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

TIMPF: Don’t go.

HEGSETH: You don’t accept to — it’s the massive admonition over the absolute thing. So, I’m for — Viva La Revolt of the hairdressers and the gym owners and the restaurant owners. They are charting the advance because they’ve got bark in the bold and it’s a admirable affair to watch them.

GUTFELD: And you apperceive who abroad has bark in the game? Nude beaches? They’re in this fight, too.

All right, up next, the chase to awning your face.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Are you up to the assignment of activity in a mask. Bodies are adapting to the new absoluteness of affectation wearing, so no abruptness the affectation has become a abode for innovation.

One Israeli artist advised a adaptation with a alien controlled mouth, acceptance you to eat after demography it out. Booty a look.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: I watched that for hours. I don’t know. I mean, how altered is that than what I abrasion on the weekends already?

Okay. Meanwhile, a artist in New Orleans created a affectation with a harbinger flap, but these never booty it off designs affectation this question. Will masks anytime go away? Will their address be melancholia like the Auto Siberian Orchestra? Or are they actuality to break like the Auto Siberian Orchestra?

And how do you coquette aback bisected your face is covered? Will boyish boys acquaint their accompany about the aboriginal time they had absorbed a girl’s affectation with one hand? And how will my bodies acknowledge aback they assuredly see my face?

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: That was aloof cruel. Tyrus, that comestible aperture affectation affair or whatever, that aloof scares the applesauce out of me. How about you?

MURDOCH: What afraid me added than that was watching that poor man try to eat, wow, no one could jump in and get him a spoon? That was rough. That was brutal.

You know, I don’t accept that problem, whenever I put a affectation on, bodies get out of my way, but really, aback I put this on and go to a restaurant, everybody clears out. Everybody clears out. So, I never accept to anguish about added than six feet.

You know, amusing breach aback I eat, but, honestly, the apparatus was abundant and I acknowledge the idea. But if you aloof go like that, you can eat. Like it’s — are we demography crazy pills here? Is this for a rat?

GUTFELD: I anticipate so. I don’t know. You know, Kat. We’re activity to — oh no, I can’t ask Kat this catechism because she’s too young. So, I’ll go to Michael — no, I am activity to ask Michael.

TIMPF: I am young. That’s why I don’t anytime appetite to abrasion this affectation yet.

GUTFELD: All right.

TIMPF: You know. I’ve still got like a brace added years of actuality hot after defective surgery. So, delay in the future, I can save money abandoned accomplishing the Botox and the fillers on bisected my face afresh I adulation it, but not yet. Too young.

GUTFELD: Yes, that’s true. Why decay these adored years?

TIMPF: Supple adolescent face.

GUTFELD: Yes, your adolescent face. You know, Michael, I anticipate we’re activity to accept to be —

LOFTUS: Rock on, Gold Dust Woman.

GUTFELD: Yes. Michael, I accept a abundant catechism for you. We’re activity to accept to accommodate the bases. Right? Bethink aboriginal abject was kissing. Now, aboriginal abject is activity to be removing the mask, which agency we ability accept to atom baseball and go to football area you accept four downs and a touchdown. Or maybe we would do bowling area there’s 10 strikes. Or I don’t know, pat —

LOFTUS: I like it. I like football. I like football that way like aboriginal down, you get the affectation off, additional down. Like what — I went for added points. You went for added credibility on the aboriginal day? Oh, I alarm it an audible. She was into it.

GUTFELD: It’s amazing. It is antibacterial my apple in a tailspin, Pete. Do you anticipate masks are actuality to stay?

LOFTUS: Go for two.

GUTFELD: Go for two.

HEGSETH: Unfortunately, I took the black footfall of demography an added affectation and putting it in the centermost animate of my car today, and that was a black moment, activity like I’m activity to charge this activity advanced aback I don’t apprehend it.

And that apprentice affectation is depressing. Do you apperceive the bulk of bodies I see at the grocery abundance that abrasion it like this? You know, appropriate about here?

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: You know, or afresh they’ve got to do something. So afresh it’s up here. I mean, they can’t use it appropriate way, anyway, you know. The adaptations are unnecessary.

I achievement the affectation is gone soon. We don’t appetite to alive in a affectation world. Plenty of bodies don’t appetite to do that already.

GUTFELD: Well, we aloof may, aloof to get on with life. All right, my admired adventure is up next. Stick around.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Well, added bodies appetite to blow your anatomy if you analysis absolute for antibodies. Dating experts affirmation singles are announcement on their dating profiles that they accept coronavirus antibodies, addition it will accomplish bodies feel safer to accommodated up with them. Yes, I accept gonorrhea and syphilis, but no corona.

So, we’re not abiding if antibodies beggarly virus immunity. Perhaps, that’s why some adopt to go aback to their exes.

“Vice” interviewed a few bodies who accepted extensive out to their ex during abreast because bareness makes you do awe-inspiring things. Apprehension may accomplish you bethink your ex like this, aback in reality, he is added like this.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: What’s wrong? I adopt that. All right, oh, God advice me. You know, Kat, do you actually anticipate adage you accept coronavirus is activity to stop anyone from dating a actuality who is hot like if Halle Berry aloof asked me out, and afresh she says, oh, I accept corona. Do you anticipate I’m actually activity to say no?

TIMPF: Abnormally not now. I anticipate this is all the aforementioned array of thing. People are accepting atrocious and you alpha to anticipate that you actually absence things added than you do, like lately, I begin myself missing activity to brunch because I accept it in my arch that like, I’m sitting there and I accept a sun dress on and I’m sipping champagne. It’s delightful. That’s not what happens. Okay.

I’m sitting there in my sweatpants. I ambition I were dead. I’m miserable. I’m bistro cher eggs backstabber and I’m like chugging those, you know, bottomless mimosa mimosas to try to aloof the pain. I accept like 19 of them. I’m still abstaining because they’re so watered down.

On the way out, you know, a agglomeration of bashed NYU kids and I’m like, why are you so drunk? I apperceive it’s not from the mimosa, did you booty Molly afore you got here? Like it’s God’s day. It’s Sunday. I appetite to go home.

But no, because you apperceive what bodies say? Absence makes the affection abound fonder. I anticipate that what they actually beggarly is absence makes you dumb. It allows you to beguile yourself.

When you are lonely, aback you are accepting desperate, aback you accept been spending so abundant time alone, you’re activity to alpha cerebration you appetite things that you don’t want.

GUTFELD: I acquaint you, Absynth makes my affection abound fonder, Pete, Absynth. I don’t apperceive why I said that.

HEGSETH: I don’t apperceive either. I was activity to see the antithesis of my time aback to Kat, but I will aloof say, it’s like actuality on deployment. You know, anybody that served in the military, you’re across and the belief get bigger and bigger, right? Aggregate is added amazing aback home.

And aggregate is amplified and aggressive scrutinized. But afresh your standards, they bead bound over time and afresh appealing soon, aggregate aback home is aloof amazing and afresh you get home and you apprehend it’s aloof like it was aback you larboard except apparently a little worse.

GUTFELD: It’s that cine area the guy comes home and doesn’t like it and — “Hurt Locker.” Maybe that’s what it was.

HEGSETH: Yes.

GUTFELD: Or was it “Benjie 2”? I don’t know, Tyrus, I’m abashed by the movies that I see.

MURDOCH: I’m animated you said abashed Dr. Greg, because of course, you accept told Halle Berry, no, because you’re a appropriately affiliated man.

GUTFELD: True.

MURDOCH: I anticipate I can allege for Pete and myself that there is actually no acumen to anytime attending in the rearview mirror aback our approaching is so bright, and we are so blessed area we are now in activity with our wives that we are all smiles. I ain’t got time to attending back. I’ve never looked back.

HEGSETH: Amen. Amen.

MURDOCH: I’m active in the now. So, Halle Berry, you accept to get to NATO, the G Train Lift Station, and if it is occupied, lovely.

GUTFELD: You know, Tyrus, I’ve been adage it to her for the aftermost bristles years, but she keeps texting me. It’s either Halle Berry —

MURDOCH: But you accumulate adage it. You accumulate adage it, Doctor.

GUTFELD: It was Fred Berry from what’s happening.

MURDOCH: Okay, I’m done.

GUTFELD: He’s dead. I adulation Fred Berry.

MURDOCH: I’m out.

GUTFELD: Aftermost chat to Michael.

LOFTUS: I’ll acquaint you, if you’re single, go big or go home. Don’t say you accept the antibody. Say you’ve got the cure. I’m like, if you accept sex with me, you will be cured. That’s what I would be selling.Right? And aloof a big bark —

TIMPF: Aback I was 23, I would be like, oh, yes, I can’t believe.

GUTFELD: Oh my god. That’s what it’s all he does.

LOFTUS: A big bark to all the bodies with the duke abrasion fetish, addition out there gets off on abrasion — on watching bodies ablution their hands. This is your moment. This is your time to flash for all of you bodies with duke abrasion fetishes. Enjoy yourselves.

GUTFELD: Yes, that’s true. What if you are somewhat admiring to bodies in medical gear? Not adage that I am. But I do adulation a acceptable affectation and gloves.

Anyway, I’m activity to shut up now. Don’t balloon about my accessible book. Oh, you’re activity to adulation this. It’s alleged “The Plus.” It’s a self-help for bodies who abhorrence self-help. Basically it is how to do absolute things if you aren’t a absolute actuality like me. In food July 28th, but you can pre adjustment your archetype now.

It’s accessible at ggutfeld.com and all above book retailers. Final thoughts, next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Thanks to Pete Hegseth, Michael Loftus, Kat Timpf, and Tyrus. We are out of time. I’m Greg Gutfeld, and we adulation you, America.

Content and Programming Absorb 2020 Fox Account Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. All abstracts herein are adequate by United States absorb law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, appear or advertisement after the above-mentioned accounting permission of Fox Account Network, LLC. You may not adapt or abolish any trademark, absorb or added apprehension from copies of the content.

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